The Secret Ingredient for family relationships
Introduction
They say that “Home is where the heart is” and right now we are spending increased amounts of time in our households, so developing healthy family and support networks is so important. Some families have found this time at home to be a positive experience where they have gotten to know each other better and feel closer than ever. Others have felt the stress and strain of trying to live, work, school and play in the same space for over 12 weeks!
Most of our circumstances lie somewhere in between these two extremes. Whatever your situation, in times like these, we all need strategies that will help us to thrive for the long haul.
So what is Family anyway?
The word “family” brings with it lots of different images, feelings and emotions – for better or worse! Some people would not describe their blood-relatives as family for lots of difficult reasons or they may not even know them at all. Others see family as more than just genetics and include their friends, neighbours and close relationships.
In modern Britain today families are incredibly diverse; we have blended families, foster parent families, adoptive parent families, same-sex parent families, extended families and single-parent families… to name a few! Whatever our family looks like; most of us can choose to be a family member who brings out the best in others.
“Home is where you are loved the most and act the worst.” – Marjorie Pay Hinckley
How can we bring out the best in others?
PRACTICE THE GOLDEN RULE
The Golden Rule means that we treat others how we want to be treated. This is THE number one SECRET INGREDIENT in all relationships. Find out what other people in your household might like – and do it! Examples could be : making someone breakfast in bed on a Sunday morning, helping someone with their homework, writing body confidence messages on post-its and sticking on the bathroom mirror, ordering flowers for a distant relative, or even dusting off a fun game you can all play as a family!
HONOUR YOUR ELDERS
Think about something you were taught/ learnt from your parents or grandparents and share this with someone younger. Share stories with others to help connect the future with their past.
GIVE YOURSELF GRACE
This time more than ever is a time for grace, forgiveness, letting go of mistakes and taking each day as it comes. Family routines and rhythms are disrupted and everyone may feel unsettled. Remind yourself that the perfect family doesn’t exist, no matter what you see on Instagram, you are doing great!
BE A GOOD NEIGHBOUR
There are lots of reports of people getting to know their neighbours a little better during this time of limited travel. Take time to continue to cultivate these friendships, whether it’s a ten-minute chat over the garden fence, or a thank you card for someone who dropped by a food parcel. Why tell your local courier/postman how much you appreciate them at this time? Words don’t cost anything but can brighten up someone’s day immensely!
CREATE A FAMILY/CARING TREE
Here is an interesting activity to do yourself or encourage others to do… Follow the template on the resource section below (or copy the picture below) and stick photos of your family members, friends and supportive relationships on a tree. Include distant family members who you may not be physically able to see right now. Display in the home – as a reminder to keep perspective and gratitude for shared history, wisdom and experiences.
What can you do now?
Want to explore more?
The Gottman Institute. A great Research based approach to healthy relationships. Find a great resource to promote healthier relationships if you want to dig deeper here
Relate. Relationships advice organisation and counselling support with a helpful website.
You Version Bible App: Find out more about improving your relationships by downloading The Bible App to receive positive messages daily. Discover more here.
The Samaritans. If you are really struggling and need to talk visit this helpful website with a helpline here. Whatever you’re going through, call Samaritans free any time, from any phone, on 116 123.
Our Virtual Chaplain says…
The Bible gives great advice on how to behave in our relationships – this applies especially to our family members and close connections. We can easily realise how important neighbours and other friends have been during this time of restricted movement and unrest. It makes you realise the importance of the wisdom of the Golden Rule and the reality we need to Love our neighbour. This is the secret ingredient! Love in the Bible is a practical word – it means actually doing something for others. Close relationships are those we most often take for granted. No kind word or encouragement is ever wasted. Giving is truly better than receiving – and brings us a deep sense of joy and satisfaction!
“Here is a simple, rule-of-thumb guide for behaviour: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them. Bible Reference: Matthew 7:12 The Message Version (MSG)
Together – Cross Academy Song Project
Students release Charity Single to support NHS
Students from six secondary schools in the Midlands and Buckinghamshire have joined forces to release a new charity single cover of ‘Together’, to raise awareness of NHS Charities Together and to boost their mental health.
The students’ collective rendition of ‘Together’, originally performed by Christian pop duo For King & Country, with Tori Kelly and Kirk Franklin, pays tribute to all those who have suffered bereavement, loss, and rising levels of anxiety during lockdown.
The charity music video involved 30 students from Grace Academies in Coventry, Solihull and Darlaston, Lord Grey Academy, Rushden Academy, and Elizabeth Woodville North and South, who combined their musical talents to spread a message of hope to others.
Launched at a time when public singing is prohibited and students’ mental health and resilience have been put to the test, the Song Project was organised by Grace Foundation’s Ethos Teams, funded by IM Group, that work within each Tove Learning Trust (TLT) Academy.
“Thank you Grace Foundation for creating the wonderful song TOGETHER. It’s fantastic to see students come together to celebrate the resilience they’ve shown over the past year and use the opportunity to thank and raise funds for NHS Charities Together. The money raised will help us to continue to go the extra mile in supporting our NHS workers, volunteers and patients at the centre of this crisis and beyond.”
“Our Ethos Teams have been helping to support students who have suffered loss and bereavement, rising anxiety levels and poor mental health during lockdown. We want to use the song as a platform to raise the profile of NHS Charities Together, something very relevant to families everywhere, and as a big thank you for all the hard work Frontline NHS Staff have done during this period and beyond.”
“It gave us something uplifting to do in what have been quite a tough time. The song is pretty inspiring, especially for people who have been through a difficult time in the pandemic. It feels good to be part of something that will help to spread hope to people who have suffered in this time.”
“The song project is extremely relevant in these times as students sing about the power of being together and demonstrate this by working across our academy trust with many other singers. We are excited about the message of the song and are looking forward to seeing the impact it has.”
“We are there to listen when a student is having a difficult time, to help them navigate through mental health challenges, relationships and school, and to help build hope and aspirations for their future. Taking part in the Song Project has given students the chance to work collaboratively again, to focus on something that brings life and joy to themselves and others.”
“This last year has been so tough for young people. They’ve lost out on so many extra- curricular, social, and personal development opportunities that they would normally be able to access due to the COVID pandemic and restrictions. As an Ethos Team, we are passionate about providing our young people with as many enriching and developmental experiences as possible and the Song Project has been a wonderful opportunity to do that as restrictions have begun to ease. It’s been fantastic working with the students and witnessing them come together, do something they love, and using their talents to spread hope to others.”
Why Black History Month Matters
Introduction
October is Black History Month here in the UK. This celebration aims to promote and celebrate Black contributions to British society, and to foster an understanding of Black history in general. However, many people, whether they are black heritage or not, are not very aware of Black History Month or even some of the amazing people that Black History Month celebrates!
When we think about black history, many of us automatically think of slavery, the civil rights movement and Martin Luther King Jr, but there are so many black people here in the UK that have made positive contributions to Britain, whether sports men and women, scientists, inventors, musicians, and actors or those who have worked every single day to make a difference.
Inspired by heroes we have never met
One such person that made an impact in Britain is Baroness Floella Benjamin, who was born on the Caribbean Island of Trinidad back in 1949. She travelled to Britain in 1960’s, and experienced a huge culture shock when she first arrived receiving less than a warm welcome due to her heritage. She was ambitious, driven and determined to make a life for herself, despite having to overcome such prejudice. As a result, after her graduation from Drama School, on a National Tour of a hit musical.
Her creative pioneer spirit meant she went on to make a positive contribution to film, arts, and entertainment. Today, she is known all over the world for creating a space for different voices to be heard.
Back in the 1970’s, Floella recalls a conversation she had with her Television Producer where she focussed on the types of books and illustrations that were being read and shown to kids on the children’s programme she was working on. In a recent interview about this defining moment, she recalls saying to her colleague I’m telling the stories, and sometimes I’m saying them in my Caribbean accent, but all the illustrations are white, can’t we have some black and Asian and Chinese faces?” Her producer went on to supposedly respond by saying “Oh, we hadn’t noticed”.
From that day on the Children’s BBC became the most diverse corner of British television due to Floella being able to ask the right question at the right time in history. Baroness Benjamin went on to write books for children that told stories of her experiences as a young Caribbean woman. Through Children’s Television like Playhouse (one for the older readers to remember), the BBC pioneered a diverse approach that is still making an impact today.
Black History Month reminds us to notice again
According to the Books Trust, only 7% of the children’s books published in the UK over the last 3 years feature characters of colour. That means there are so many stories yet to be heard and even more so, yet to be told.
This makes Black History Month vital for us all regardless of the colour of my skin or yours.
Why is it so important to notice people different than ourselves? What does it matter who gets profiled or represented in something like books, films, or television? Serena Patel, author of the book series titled ‘Anisha, the Accidental Detective’ appeared at an event hosted by Inclusion Labs and spoke of the value of representation.
“Imagine loving stories, inhaling book after book, imagine books being such an important part of your life. Now imagine never seeing yourself in books, never seeing someone who looks like you or feels like you. Imagine never seeing someone like you as the hero of the story. Imagine never believing you can be a hero in your own story… I was never the hero of the story.”
In other words, if we don’t allow peoples’ voices to be heard, we ultimately deny those people the right to feel valued and respected. What would you do if you felt like you could never be the hero of your own story? What if the change we want to see, will only happen if we actively choose to notice?
Black History Month challenges us to be curious
Curiosity is a core value in many of our Partner Schools. It is about asking questions, but also actively seeking the answers. When it comes to curiosity, we can think about the example and illustration of both windows and mirrors.
A window is something you can see through and shapes your perspective. When we don’t offer people a window into a new culture or a different story, it encourages a default approach to thinking that our way of seeing the world is “correct” or “better” or even that ours is the only window there is. At best this can be the root of misunderstanding and at worst, it can be the root of hatred towards anything different than us. We need to find a new window to see a fresh perspective.
Black History Month helps us put ourselves in other people’s shoes.
A Mirror is something that allow us to see ourselves – they reflect who we are back to us. Books, films, and stories that speak of our own culture, give an insight into who we are and what our past is like. They help us see something new about our identity, our heritage and our humanity.
The Jamaican activist Marcus Garvey once said, “A people without the knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots.”
Take a fresh look at Black History this month
So why does Black History Month matter? By embracing the month of October as a focal point for sharing the stories of Black people in our British history, we begin to realise that we don’t have to limit this focus to a single occasion or single month in a year. Black History month prods us, reminds us and helps us on how to notice – and truly notice. It challenges us on where we are going to redirect our attention for year that lies ahead.
How can you make sure we stay curious? If you are a teacher or a parent, we can help expose young people to different and diverse stories, giving them a new window or mirror for their world.
If you are a student, you can think about what you are reading, learning about, being entertained by or discovering that helps give you a new window or mirror for your life.
And above all, we can use this time to give people the opportunity to be respected, heard, valued, and seen as the heroes in their own unique story.
For teaching resources and to learn more visit: www.blackhistorymonth.org.uk
Young People Under Pressure
Our Top Tips For You
School, exams, friends, family, jobs, housing, poverty, food, social media, COVID………..Young People are Under Pressure possibly more than ever. This page is designed to support you as you face these challenges head on. The team of Youth Workers at Grace Foundation have prepared a series of 2-3 minute videos to help you with some hot topics that you are dealing with every day. We hope to add to this page regularly, so keep checking back for the latest videos and if you have any suggestions for themes we would love to hear them.
Feeling Depressed?
Feeling Insecure?
Feeling Peer Pressure?
Feeling Stressed?
Feeling Lonely?
Feeling Down?
Feeling Overwhelmed?
Useful Links
Need to talk now? Whatever you’re going through, a Samaritan will face it with you. They are here 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. If you need someone to talk to, they will listen. They won’t judge or tell you what to do. Visit their website for how to get in touch today here.
Need more help? If you relate to a Grace Foundation Partner school, such as ones in the Tove Learning Trust, our Youth Workers are here to provide advice, support and information to help you make the right decision at the right time to get support for you and your family. Please contact the Ethos Team in your school today.
